why do i feel like i’ve been here before?

because i have.  it’s called the cycle of abuse.

another way to put it:

it begins with hearts and flowers.  you are in love, he treats you like a queen, showering you with gifts and little love notes, and fantastic sex.  he calls, texts, and emails you all the time, but in a good way.  you begin to trust him.

then it really begins.  tensions building.  little quirks.  like if you get a text from someone and chuckle, then put your phone down.  he will walk over to it and look at your texts.  then he will tell you that you shouldn’t hang out with this person or that person because they “aren’t good for you”.  then he will start telling you that you look better with colored hair and should color it, even when you have repeatedly told him you don’t want to.  finally, you agree just to get him to shut up about it.

then, you begin to feel smothered.  trapped.  the fighting begins.  this is finally him acting out, and showing you his true self.  you tell him you don’t want to do something, but he tells you that if you truly loved him, you would do it anyway.  yet when you ask something just as important to you of him, he refuses.  he has incredible double standards, and is stubborn to the point of hostile.  you start to wonder what you may have gotten into.

finally, it happens.  the big one.  the incident.  it’s a slap, or a horrible screaming match, or a hard grip on your arm followed by a threat.  it may only be a snotty comment followed by derisive laughter.  but you have reached your breaking point.  you threaten to leave.

but wait!  he’s sorry!  he can never forgive himself for the terrible things he has put you through.  he promises to love and protect and cherish you all over again.  you reconcile, and begin your life together anew.  he may even send you flowers with a mooshy love note.

sound familiar?

 

 

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