index cards, part three

and, as in my previous two posts, more index card instances of abusive behavior.

financial control:

letting my cell service lapse because he didn’t give me access to the password to pay the bill (three separate occasions)

tells me how we don’t have enough money, but doesn’t want me to work, because we have too many activities, he makes more money anyway, we wouldn’t qualify for as much financial aid if i worked.

when i did work, constantly complained when i asked for money “where is all your money at?”

i told him once that i think he uses money as a way to keep me around, and he admitted that was “probably true”.

told me he added me to our joint account, when he really hadn’t, then when he finally did, i asked for a debit card for the account, and he said “why would i do that?”  so i couldn’t get out any cash or buy anything without writing a check.

didn’t want me to get a gas card for a long time (he works at a gas station) and forced me to call him to tell the clerk his credit card number so i could get gas.

not on our Target card account, yet gets angry when i shop at Target because i would “save money” if i used the Red card.  then when he finally gave me his card, i couldn’t use it, because it’s a debit card, and i don’t have the pin.

told me in front of our children that we couldn’t buy a new house, because i had run up a credit card bill.  which, if i had had access to “our” money before, i wouldn’t have needed to charge anything in the first place.

every time we have a fight about money, he brings up my credit card balance, that he paid so that it “won’t hang between us”

gets angry when i withdraw cash, but then gets mad when i never have cash on me.

once i had an ear infection, and he made me pretend to be homeless, to get care at the shelter so that he didn’t have to pay for the bill, since we weren’t married, i was unemployed, pregnant, and yet not on his insurance.

told me i didn’t need depression meds, because it was “all in your head” and wouldn’t pay for them. (again, when i was unemployed)

refuses to pay for counselling.  if i can’t find it free, we can’t go.

for a long time, when i needed stuff, instead of giving me the money for it, he would tell me he would just get it himself.

once told me that i just wanted to return something to the store so i could have the cash.

when i did work, he made me pay for the childcare out of my own pocket, and he made me pay the whole week, even though he was off two of those days, so he could “run errands and stuff” on those days.  he would drop our daughter off at school on his days off for lunch and a nap so he could go play basketball at the gym.

our house was not originally in my name, but we refinanced, and only put my name on it because he had to.

none of the vehicles have had my name on them except for the most recent one we bought, around two years ago.

refuses to sit down and talk about a budget, yet wants me to save receipts so he can make sure i am not buying things we don’t need.

got mad when i hid some purchases from him that were just for me, and even though he knew i had bought them, he tried to catch me in a lie (which he did, because i knew he would be mad if i had bought them), and then told me that married people don’t lie to each other.

now he expects me to account for every penny, and save my receipts.

sexual abuse:

makes vulgar comments to me all the time in front of the kids.

used porn ON MY PHONE then lied about it.

used porn on the computer, and blamed it on the kids and their friends

wants to have sex in places where there are others around (like his parents house) and it makes me uncomfortable but then he makes fun of me

sulks when we don’t have sex, but i rarely refuse his advances.

when i wanted to use birth control, he refused.

tried to have sex multiple times while i was nursing our baby

basically told me that a married woman can’t refuse her husband.

holds my hands over my head when we have sex, and once i said i wanted my arms back, and he refused at first.  it scared me!

when i am folding clothes by the side of the bed, he will just come up behind me and lie down on me.  i basically just have to lie there until he gets up again.  when i complain, he says he is just “hugging” me.

many more times than i can remember he has started to have sex with me, waking me up from a sound sleep.  when i tell him to wait until morning, he says he wakes up with a “woody and just can’t wait”

complains all the time about how often we have sex, or makes comments about sex in front of the kids.  like “is that new poster for above the bed, or are we getting a mirror, haha”

when he admitted that he had cheated on me (five years later), he love bombed me so much, it was weird and uncomfortable, but when i would complain, he sulked and pouted.

any time we have a big discussion about our relationship, he gets super touchy feely, when normally, he is only touchy feely in the few days leading up to sex.

when i tell him to stop tickling, he doesn’t always, and then tells me to lighten up when i get mad

once when i initiated sex on our anniversary, he watched tv the whole time.

other physical issues:

wakes me up all the time, just to tell me things that could easily wait.

puts his fingers in my armpit, which he knows i hate, and tells me he wasn’t trying to tickle me.

tickled my feet, then when i jerked my feet away, told me he was just trying to scratch them for me.

put a pillow over my face and pushed down, then told me he was just pretending and joking when i pushed it off.

when i yawned, he would put his finger in my mouth.  so many times i can’t count.  he finally has stopped doing this.

he used to sneeze on me whenever we would drive somewhere, because he didn’t want to get the steering wheel or window dirty.  only quit doing it when the kids told him it was disgusting (not after me telling him to stop every single time he did it)

squishes my fat rolls even after me telling him i hate that.  he just says he is “hugging” me

has told me that his ex girlfriend accused him of hitting her with a vcr but that she was “crazy”

threw a pile of pictures at me when he felt i had paid too much for them

steps in front of me randomly so i have no choice but to go around him

has come up behind me and put his hands on my neck “jokingly”

more to come in the next post…

 

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